POSTED ON: May 26 2010 •
Jesse James used his bad childhood as an excuse for cheating, saying that he “never felt good enough” on last night’s Nightline interview. By not being good enough, I’m presuming that he is saying that he didn’t feel worthy of being married to Oscar winning Actress Sandra Bullock, but he did feel worthy of having sex with at least five other women.
Jesse James was raised by his single dad who allegedly beat, humiliated and at age seven broke his arm. So Jesse says he grew up with feelings of shame, fear and abandonment which is what lead to his trying to “self-sabotage” his life.
My theory is that many adults were abused physically, emotionally and even sexually as children but were able to overcome adversity by empowering themselves to take responsibility for their actions and not use their past as an excuse for bad behavior.
The cause of Jesse’s infidelity was probably more to do with his hormones than anything else. You see relationships go through three stages of emotions and hormone changes that affect our sex drive. The first stage is LUST which releases the sexual hormones testosterone and estrogen. In this stage, you feel excited by the thought of your lover and eager to be with them as much as you can.
Stage two is the ROMANTIC ATTRACTION stage where your brain is now releasing the feel good hormone, dopamine that can make you feel lovesick.
Stage three is EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT where the brain releases Serotonin and Oxytocin, bonding hormones that can deepen the feelings of attachment. However, at this stage the lust and the romantic attraction stages fade, so it is not uncommon to look for those lustful and romantic feelings elsewhere.
So it’s probable that Jesse and Sandra were in the Attachment stage of their relationship, so he was vulnerable to the temptations of lust when it was flaunted at him.
The bottom line is that if you don’t evoke the feelings of lust, attraction and romance in your relationship, it will become less sexual and you or your partner are more likely to stray and cheat with someone new who gives you the thrill of excitement that you crave.
If you want to understand Cheating, check out my book at: