Dr. Ava Cadell – #1 Sexpert in America

Everyone wants to enjoy a healthy, loving and exciting sex life, but sometimes the craving to experience and enjoy sex can get in the way of the actual performance itself. Whether your lack of sexuality results in erectile problems or premature ejaculation, the first step is to stop blaming yourself and or your partner. If you constantly criticize yourself, then you create unnecessary stress which makes it impossible for you to perform. You must understand that no one is judging your performance so the moment you stop worrying about what you are or are not doing sexually, is when you will set yourself free, your mind and body will be free to enjoy the most pleasurable sexual experience with your lover without any limits.

Virtually every man experiences lack of desire, erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation at some point or the other in his life.  Such incidents can be related to:High blood pressure or the adverse affect of medications in which case I would advise you to consult with your physician.

But if your lack of sexuality is due to stress and anxiety, then your problem is probably temporary, and most women understand the occasional deficiency a man may experience and they do not make a big deal out of it.  However, some men respond to episodes of erectile failure in a manner that leads from minor anxiety to severe anxiety, and the problem becomes chronic rather than transitory.  Anxiety manifests itself commonly as premature ejaculation or the inability to maintain an erection for as long as you want.

Anxiety creates a problem, and it also maintains it.  In addition, anxiety causes the release of adrenaline from the adrenal gland that acts to constrict the blood vessels, including those that lead to the penis.  A vicious mind-body circle can be created that turns anxiety into potency problems.

The good news is that there are many effective treatments for anxiety-caused disorders including hypnosis and creative visualization, so continue to relax and breathe naturally and spontaneously as you read this.

If you want to increase the time you spend making love with your partner, you must disconnect your mind from your body. Don’t think or analyze, instead just respond to your body and feel what your body is asking you to do. When your body asks you to slow down, don’t fight it, just allow yourself to slow down, you can even stop if that’s what your body needs. This is a good time to focus on your partner’s pleasure by kissing, caressing, licking and stimulating her body until your body lets you know that it is ready to start making love again. When you are ready to enter your lover again, you do not need to go all the way to orgasm and ejaculation. You can make love last much longer by slowing down, even breaking away to give her oral sex or manual stimulation. Making love comes naturally, but too many people take it far too seriously so it’s no wonder that the mind ends up controlling the body. From now on, let your body guide you and let your mind surrender to your body so that there are no negative thoughts which can create stress or anxiety. Just enjoy the journey of making love and the connection with your partner every time for as long as you and she like. The longer you take enjoying your lover, the more you will release your stress.

Imagine that you are looking at a big screen TV and on it you are watching a video of yourself making passionate love to the love of your life, your dream lover. Visualize the two of you kissing, teasing, caressing, making the sounds of love and enjoying each others body. Now use the remote control to put the movie on slow motion. Yes, you are now watching yourself with your partner making passionate love in slow motion. Really enjoy exploring your partner’s body, caressing it from head to toe, loving it, taking time with it, the more time you spend the more it excites you. Watch as she makes love to every part of your body with her fingers, her hair, her lips, breasts and listen to the sounds of appreciation that she makes, smell the aroma of hair and taste her skin on your tongue, revel in the experience as you surrender your mind and let your body guide you naturally to make love, passionate, exciting, exhilarating love. Savor every moment that you spend with your lover and look admiringly at your erection, no matter what state it is in. Your body knows exactly what it needs and the less you think about it, the more natural your erection will be. You are feeling very aroused as you watch the two of you in sexual rapture making love in different positions sensually, two bodies entwined as one. You can maintain your erection for as long as you want and you can satisfy your lover and yourself because you have the stamina to last until after she has her climax. You are in complete control of your sexuality.

Congratulations. You have just experienced creative visualization to improve your sexuality. Remember to stop blaming yourself, turn off your mind and listen to your body, use creative visualization to visualize the kind of sex you want to have with your lover. Another tip to improve your sexuality is to practice masturbation in a relaxed environment, as means of gaining self-control. And finally, there is the “Squeeze” technique which can delay an imminent orgasm by grasping the penis at the base or right below the head between the thumb and forefinger and squeeze.  After a few seconds of squeezing, you can resume penetration.

Please seek help from a medical physician if you suspect that you have a physical dysfunction.

If you need psychological help, please find a sexologist, sex therapist or counselor in your area. You can also search for one at www.aasect.org The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) is a non profit organization that has listings of certified professionals on their website.