Baby Boomer Sex

I just finished working on The Doctor’s TV show where I was asked to comment on Baby Boomer Sex. I said that Baby Boomers sex can be even more satisfying then when they were younger because with age comes better communication, more confidence and the shedding of sexual inhibitions. The older you are, the more comfortable you become in your own skin, which makes you comfortable talking about your desires and fantasies. I also interjected that the quality of intimacy with sex becomes more important than just the quantity of sex acts.

Many women are still enjoying their sexual peak at 40 or 50, while some men may need a little help to keep up! (Excuse the pun). But never fear, there are so many sex enhancers to help men, like Viagra, Cialis and Levitra,  Testosterone, herbal supplements, even penis pumps.

Women must maintain a juicy frame of mind, so that they feel sexy in order to enjoy sexual pleasure because sex begins between the ears and then flows between the legs.

Some women say that sex after Menopause is better because they don’t worry about periods and pregnancy. They are also more comfortable communicating what turns them on and off.

For women whose sex drive is flagging, my advice is still to use it, so that you don’t lose it. Sexual activity is good for your health with or without a partner, so do your Kegel exercises, use lubricants for self-pleasure and partner sex.

If your libido has taken a nose-dive due to fatigue, stress, hormonal changes, a hysterectomy or any other ailment, do seek professional help from your doctor. Sex does not have an expiration date, so you can continue to have hot, passionate sex for the rest of your life.

If Your Partner is Cheating, Top 10 List

If you are suspicious your partner may be cheating, your gut instinct may be correct, but it is best not to confront them until you have enough proof to get a confession. One practical tip is to imagine how she or he will respond to your accusations before you blurt out something you may regret. Will they be in denial or claim that it was just a harmless flirtation or will they blame you for overreacting?

Below is a top 10 list of what to Do and Don’t do if you find out your partner has cheated on you:

Don’t make any impulsive decisions about ending your relationship before you have time to reflect on whether your relationship is worth fighting for.

Do be prepared to experience an emotional roller coaster with feelings of shock, betrayal, hurt, disappointment, humiliation, rejection, bewilderment, foolishness, depression, jealousy and rage, all of which are natural reactions. So, take a deep breath and close your eyes so that you can think before you react.

Don’t blame or punish yourself over who or what caused the cheating by drinking, binge eating or starving, medicating or hurting yourself. This won’t change the circumstances and will only make matters worse by pushing your partner away and back into the arms of his/her lover.

Do think about this: as heartbreaking as cheating can be, it is a wound that can be healed and relationships can survive. Sometimes cheating can be a wake-up call to take a relationship to a higher level of understanding and intimacy. Not every relationship can survive, but if both partners have the desire and commitment to move forward, then the odds of success are much higher.

Don’t rush to tell your family and friends about the cheating until you have all the facts. They may hold lasting grudges that cannot be repaired.

Do write down a “Profit and Loss Relationship Statement.” On the Profit Side list all of your partner’s positive qualities and the advantages of staying together. On the Loss Side list all of your partner’s negative qualities and the reasons why splitting up would be better.  This is a simple way to determine if the good outweighs the bad in your relationship.

Don’t ambush your partner by attacking them physically because you will be perceived as a dangerous psycho (and be on the wrong side of the law), not to mention push your partner back into the arms of his/her lover.

Do write down all the questions you want to ask about the cheating, but focus on your relationship rather than the third party, at least in the beginning. For example, “What was missing in our relationship that made you want to cheat?” Then ask questions that focus on feelings such as “How did the other person make you feel about yourself when you were with him/her?” This is the most powerful question of all and will ultimately reveal the reason your partner cheated on you.

Don’t become obsessed with the other man or woman who cheated with your partner. Harassing them may actually drive them closer together instead of forcing them apart.

Do be willing to forgive your partner by writing a forgiveness letter to them. Writing a letter is the process of taking out your emotional trash and allows you to release pent-up pain. Write down your feelings, request an apology and end with your forgiveness and love. For example: “I felt unloved and unwanted when I found out that you cheated on me. I need to know the reasons that lead you to be with someone else so that I can forgive and love you with all my heart.”

For more information on Understanding Cheating, check out this eBook packed with over 100 pages at: http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/Cart.aspx

Sex Life with Herpes

Dating is challenging enough without having to tell your partner that you have Herpes and risking rejection. But you can have a fulfilling sex life with Herpes as its not a life-threatening illness.  However, Herpes lasts a lifetime and can cause physical, psychological and sexual distress for those who suffer from this virus.

Of course if you’re lucky enough to have an understanding partner and choose the right time (before sex) to tell him/her in a matter-of-fact manner (without being defensive), there’s a good chance he/she will accept it and you.

Educate yourself and enlighten your partner about the clinical facts so there are no misconceptions, misunderstandings or resentments down the road. Your attitude will convey how you feel about yourself and your date; don’t sound apologetic or anxious. You can even practice what you’re going to say beforehand so that you feel more confident.

Try something like this:
“I care about you and like being with you, so before we fool around, I want to tell you what I’ve been tested for and share my results. I do have the human papillomavirus, as well as herpes. Both are treatable and there are means of having safer sex. I want you to feel free to ask me any questions and I’d also like to know what you’ve been tested for.”

Respect their emotions, but don’t tolerate any disrespect to you personally.

Here are 10 facts you should know about Herpes:

* Statistics show that one-in-five people suffer from Herpes.

* Herpes is caused by Herpes Simplex virus, type I producing cold sores around the mouth and nose while genital herpes is caused by Herpes Simplex virus type II producing sores around the genital area.

* Many people are unaware they have Herpes because they may have been infected, but their symptoms went unnoticed. This is called subclinical infection. Even without symptoms or visible sores, the virus remains in the body and may be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact.

* Herpes can be easily diagnosed by a doctor when obtaining a sample from an infected area during an outbreak. The test will detect whether it is type 1 or type 2 of the Herpes Simplex virus. A blood test can also be used.

* If untreated, Herpes outbreaks may manifest in sores or painful blisters that can last up to two weeks before they develop a scab and then heal.

* Herpes can be activated by general poor health, stress, menstruation, exposure to ultraviolet light or sexual activity, but frequently no trigger can be identified.

* To prevent transmission of the virus, don’t touch a Herpes sore and then touch your partner because it’s extremely contagious. Don’t share sex toys without washing them, avoid mouth-to-genital contact including fellatio, cunnilingus and analingus. Vaginal sex and anal sex should also be off limits before or during an outbreak. Finally, make sure no bodily fluids are exchanged.

* Pregnant women should inform their doctor if they have the Herpes virus because it could be transmitted to the baby at delivery, causing blindness and other serious illness. This is rare but caution should be taken so the risk of this complication can be reduced.

* Although frequent outbreaks and symptoms can be controlled with prescription medications like Zovirax and Valtrex especially when taken continuously, there is no known cure for Herpes. And now experts say that genital Herpes increases susceptibility to HIV by making it easier for the AIDS virus to get into the body.

* You can have a fulfilling sex life if you have Herpes. Between outbreaks, as long as your partner understands and accepts the risks that he/she may still get infected. To help prevent transmission always use an FDA approved condom for oral sex and intercourse.

Herpes should not be regarded as a source of shame and guilt, or a serious barrier to a sexual relationship.

For more information on herpes go to www.webmd.com or talk to your physician.

Happy Women’s History Month

The highlight for the month of March is to increase appreciation of Women’s History Month, so let’s take the time to give credit where it’s due to some of the most amazing women who have impacted our lives and made a difference to the human race.

Here is a list of women who have influenced me in my life’s mission and who I most admire for their strengths, ambitions and unique talents.

Marie Curie, born in 1867 was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize. In fact she won it twice and she was the first woman to earn a Doctorate in Europe. Her research led to the discovery of radioactivity as well as the element, radium. She was one of the first to suggest using radiation to treat cancer.

Margaret Sanger was born in 1879 and founded the American Birth Control League, which later became Planned Parenthood. She was the sixth of 11 children and she believed that frequent pregnancies hastened her mother’s early death, so Margaret Sanger worked as a Birth Control Advocate.

Helen Keller was born in 1880 blind and deaf by a childhood illness and was freed from her isolation by the extraordinary efforts of her dedicated teacher, Anne Sullivan who suffered from impaired vision herself. Helen Keller was the first deaf-blind person to earn a college degree, become an author, lecturer, human rights campaigner and pacifist, changing forever our ideas about what disabled people could accomplish.

Helen Gurley Brown was born in 1922 best known as the Author of the 1962 mega best-seller Sex and the Single Girl and editor of Cosmopolitan for 32 years. Helen Gurley Brown was a sexual revolutionary as she was an outspoken advocate for women’s sexual freedom long before the idea went mainstream or was acceptable.

Ann Landers & Abigail Van Buren were twins born in 1918 who became famous for writing the most popular newspaper advice columns in America offering candid help to people with issues on love, romance, intimacy, sexuality, alcoholism, tolerance and acceptance. They were pioneers in the field of counseling people anonymously and helping those who cannot afford to seek a professional counselor.

Jane Goodall, born in 1934 is considered to be the world’s foremost expert in animal behavior working in Africa has done more to detail the life of the chimpanzee than any other person. Her research led to the facts that DNA in chimpanzees and humans differs by less than two percent and the immune system is so similar that chimpanzees and humans can be infected with many of the same contagious diseases.

Dr. Ruth, a Holocaust survivor born in 1928 pioneered speaking frankly about sexual matters in the media. She is a psychosexual therapist, the author of over thirty-five books, videos, TV and radio shows, professor at N.Y.U and Honorary President of the Council on Sexuality and Aging at the National Sexuality Resource Center. She is also well known for her wonderful sense of humor, a much needed quality when talking about sexual taboos and continues to work as a worldwide speaker.

Dr. Helen Fisher, born in 1945 is a Biological Anthropologist and Research Professor at the Center for Human Evolution Studies in the Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University and Chief Scientific Advisor to the Internet dating site, Chemistry.com, a division of Match.com. She has conducted extensive research and written five books on the evolution and future of human sex, love, marriage, gender differences in the brain and how your personality type shapes who you are and who you love.

Barbara Walters born in 1929 was the first woman to co-anchor a network’s nightly news show on TV and earn a record $1 million a year. She has been interviewing the world’s most intriguing people since 1993 with her annual special. Barbara Walters co-created her own TV daytime talk show, The View and she has been awarded the Emmy for best Talk Show Host. Barbara Walters has written her memoirs and is still one of the most famous American Broadcast Journalists.

Gloria Steinem, born in 1934 is a feminist writer and activist who co-founded Ms. magazine and became a prominent political figure at the National Women’s Political Caucus, where she dared to use the f word (feminist!) to assure women equal rights, protections, and opportunities under the law. Gloria Steinem co-founded the Coalition of Labor Union for Women, worked for civil rights for minorities, is a staunch advocate of reproductive freedom, supports same-sex marriage and was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame in 1993.

Madonna, born Louis Cicconi, in 1958 worked as a waitress and went to New York to learn modern dance. Madonna became one of the most important feminist figures of all time as well as an international superstar, actress, writer, influential fashion and attitudes to life icon who refused to let religious guilt and shame deprive her of her own sexual liberation.

Oprah Winfrey born 1954 in poverty has become the most powerful woman in show business with her own TV network aptly called, OWN. Oprah accomplished her greatness by standing up for women of color and for all women in need of guidance. Oprah is a philanthropist, producer, actress, TV host and one of the most influential women in the world.

Eve Ensler was born in 1953 is a playwright, performer and activist. As the creator of The Vagina Monologues, which is a memorable and powerful play, she has raised more than $75 million for global programs working to end violence against women and girls. Through her V-Day organization, Eve Ensler is currently focusing awareness on the Democratic Republic of Congo, the most dangerous place in the world to be female.

Lady Gaga born in 1986 is the youngest woman on this list and perhaps the most influential to the younger generation. She is a talented songwriter, singer, dancer, fashionista and LGBT advocate. Lady Gaga uses her fame to educate young people about the risks of HIV and AIDS, promoting the use of condoms. She is already a philanthropist who contributes to various charities and humanitarianism works such as the 2010 Haiti earthquake.

Who are the women that have most influenced your life and helped you to become the person you are today?

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