The distress caused by surgery can lead to a vicious cycle because when you are in pain and emotionally exhausted, your mental state mirrors your physical condition and it’s no wonder that you feel depressed, and ask “why me? I don’t deserve this.” But here’s an opportunity to learn and share what you’ve learned with others. Educate and help others who have the same or similar condition. Try to use humor as a tool so that people can see and hear you are handling your illness. After I had brain surgery I told people, “Well, I finally had my head examined” and they became more comfortable around me.

The good news is that sex after surgery can be just as satisfying as it was beforehand, if not even better. That’s right, with adversity comes the opportunity to bond and enhance your relationship. But you need to find the courage to communicate your wants, needs and fears to your partner and the first step is to ask yourself some thought provoking questions such as:

• Do I feel like being intimate with my partner?
• Do I have the energy to make love to my partner?
• Do I want to change something about the way we used to have sex?

Communication is key to improving the whole person inside and out. Lack of communication is like having a car without fuel. You still have a car but it’s not going anywhere. Once you know the answer to your own questions, let your partner know that you need to have an important talk with them about your sex life. They will be all ears in anticipation of what you have to say so be sure to let them know that they are still desirable and that what you are going through is temporary. If in doubt, consult your surgeon to find out when it’s safe to have sexual activity.

For your own mental, emotional and sexual recovery, follow these 10 steps:

1.    Love your body and thank it for getting you through the treatment.

2.    Reward yourself by doing the things that give you the most pleasure.

3.    Share all the positive things in your life with loved ones.

4.    Maintain intimacy by hugging, kissing and touching each other.

5.    Express your appreciation to friends, family and loved ones.

6.    Focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses.

7.    Stay socially and physically active regularly.

8.    Apologies for any hurts you may have caused loved ones.

9.    Forgive others for hurting you and forgive yourself for allowing them.

10.Be patient, relax, meditate and let time do the healing.