Celebrity Break-Up Lessons

Why do celebrity couples get married to each other when the odds are stacked up against them? From power struggles to jealousy, inflated egos to insecure hang-ups, many celebrity marriages do not have happy endings like a Hallmark movie. Here are four valuable lessons we can learn from some notable Hollywood divorces.

1. Clashing Egos

Certainly when a talented Actress wins an Oscar for Best Actress, her husband had better be damn secure if he is not in the limelight. Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Reese Witherspoon and Kate Winslet all got divorced after winning the acclaimed award. None of these women should be married to another celebrity who is insecure, jealous, egotistical, competitive and feels entitled to cheat when he is unsatisfied in their relationship. They need a proud, supportive, successful, sympathetic partner with high esteem who they respect.

2. Distance Detachment

Long distance relationships don’t make for successful marriages, especially when the celebrity’s sex life is unfulfilled. There is always ample temptation to cheat and when horny, even celebs don’t think about the disastrous consequences. Actress Demi Moor and Actor Ashton Kutcher’s marriage failed when he fell prey to infidelity, even though they dated for two years before they got married. Many people blame the 16-year age difference, but I think the worship of their mutual celebrity impacted the destruction of their relationship.

3. Opposites Don’t Last

Opposites may attract initially, but they don’t always make for a long lasting relationship, especially in the case of British Actor Russell Brand and American pop star, Katy Perry who were only married for 14-months.  He was a recovered hard partying heroin and sex addict and she was an all American daughter of an ultra religious upbringing by Evangelists Church minsters.  It didn’t take long before they both realized they had totally different lifestyles with different taste in different things. They didn’t even like each others friends and they didn’t want to live in the same country. Perhaps they should have discussed their differences before they wed.

4. Power Struggles

A recipe for an unhappy marriage is when one successful celebrity tries to dominate the other without their approval. This may be evident in the relationship between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, an equally hot and talented couple that looked like the perfect family with their twins. Everyone was rooting for their marriage to work, but these two strong personalities may have found the constant struggle for power impacting their love life and even the raising of their children. Now they are competing as they have both moved on with younger lovers.

Watch me talk about J. Lo and Marc’s power struggle on Access Hollywood.
http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/DrAvaPages/nbc-accesshollywood-20120105.html

Happy Women’s History Month

The highlight for the month of March is to increase appreciation of Women’s History Month, so let’s take the time to give credit where it’s due to some of the most amazing women who have impacted our lives and made a difference to the human race.

Here is a list of women who have influenced me in my life’s mission and who I most admire for their strengths, ambitions and unique talents.

Marie Curie, born in 1867 was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize. In fact she won it twice and she was the first woman to earn a Doctorate in Europe. Her research led to the discovery of radioactivity as well as the element, radium. She was one of the first to suggest using radiation to treat cancer.

Margaret Sanger was born in 1879 and founded the American Birth Control League, which later became Planned Parenthood. She was the sixth of 11 children and she believed that frequent pregnancies hastened her mother’s early death, so Margaret Sanger worked as a Birth Control Advocate.

Helen Keller was born in 1880 blind and deaf by a childhood illness and was freed from her isolation by the extraordinary efforts of her dedicated teacher, Anne Sullivan who suffered from impaired vision herself. Helen Keller was the first deaf-blind person to earn a college degree, become an author, lecturer, human rights campaigner and pacifist, changing forever our ideas about what disabled people could accomplish.

Helen Gurley Brown was born in 1922 best known as the Author of the 1962 mega best-seller Sex and the Single Girl and editor of Cosmopolitan for 32 years. Helen Gurley Brown was a sexual revolutionary as she was an outspoken advocate for women’s sexual freedom long before the idea went mainstream or was acceptable.

Ann Landers & Abigail Van Buren were twins born in 1918 who became famous for writing the most popular newspaper advice columns in America offering candid help to people with issues on love, romance, intimacy, sexuality, alcoholism, tolerance and acceptance. They were pioneers in the field of counseling people anonymously and helping those who cannot afford to seek a professional counselor.

Jane Goodall, born in 1934 is considered to be the world’s foremost expert in animal behavior working in Africa has done more to detail the life of the chimpanzee than any other person. Her research led to the facts that DNA in chimpanzees and humans differs by less than two percent and the immune system is so similar that chimpanzees and humans can be infected with many of the same contagious diseases.

Dr. Ruth, a Holocaust survivor born in 1928 pioneered speaking frankly about sexual matters in the media. She is a psychosexual therapist, the author of over thirty-five books, videos, TV and radio shows, professor at N.Y.U and Honorary President of the Council on Sexuality and Aging at the National Sexuality Resource Center. She is also well known for her wonderful sense of humor, a much needed quality when talking about sexual taboos and continues to work as a worldwide speaker.

Dr. Helen Fisher, born in 1945 is a Biological Anthropologist and Research Professor at the Center for Human Evolution Studies in the Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University and Chief Scientific Advisor to the Internet dating site, Chemistry.com, a division of Match.com. She has conducted extensive research and written five books on the evolution and future of human sex, love, marriage, gender differences in the brain and how your personality type shapes who you are and who you love.

Barbara Walters born in 1929 was the first woman to co-anchor a network’s nightly news show on TV and earn a record $1 million a year. She has been interviewing the world’s most intriguing people since 1993 with her annual special. Barbara Walters co-created her own TV daytime talk show, The View and she has been awarded the Emmy for best Talk Show Host. Barbara Walters has written her memoirs and is still one of the most famous American Broadcast Journalists.

Gloria Steinem, born in 1934 is a feminist writer and activist who co-founded Ms. magazine and became a prominent political figure at the National Women’s Political Caucus, where she dared to use the f word (feminist!) to assure women equal rights, protections, and opportunities under the law. Gloria Steinem co-founded the Coalition of Labor Union for Women, worked for civil rights for minorities, is a staunch advocate of reproductive freedom, supports same-sex marriage and was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame in 1993.

Madonna, born Louis Cicconi, in 1958 worked as a waitress and went to New York to learn modern dance. Madonna became one of the most important feminist figures of all time as well as an international superstar, actress, writer, influential fashion and attitudes to life icon who refused to let religious guilt and shame deprive her of her own sexual liberation.

Oprah Winfrey born 1954 in poverty has become the most powerful woman in show business with her own TV network aptly called, OWN. Oprah accomplished her greatness by standing up for women of color and for all women in need of guidance. Oprah is a philanthropist, producer, actress, TV host and one of the most influential women in the world.

Eve Ensler was born in 1953 is a playwright, performer and activist. As the creator of The Vagina Monologues, which is a memorable and powerful play, she has raised more than $75 million for global programs working to end violence against women and girls. Through her V-Day organization, Eve Ensler is currently focusing awareness on the Democratic Republic of Congo, the most dangerous place in the world to be female.

Lady Gaga born in 1986 is the youngest woman on this list and perhaps the most influential to the younger generation. She is a talented songwriter, singer, dancer, fashionista and LGBT advocate. Lady Gaga uses her fame to educate young people about the risks of HIV and AIDS, promoting the use of condoms. She is already a philanthropist who contributes to various charities and humanitarianism works such as the 2010 Haiti earthquake.

Who are the women that have most influenced your life and helped you to become the person you are today?

Cheating Athletes

It looks like basketball player Tony Parker has now joined other testosterone fueled superstar athletes like Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods and Alex Rodriguez who have an insatiable appetite for winning in sports and scoring in sex. Being married to beautiful sexy Actress Eva Longoria would be enough for most red-blooded men, but it seems that Tony allegedly cheated on her and that was a deal breaker. The divorce papers have been filed and the couple has thrown the towel in after just three years of marriage.

This relationship could survive if they both had the desire to save it by going to counseling. Sometimes infidelity can be a wake-up call that relationship boundaries need to be defined. After all, you can’t blame someone for violating boundaries if they didn’t know that they existed. Without mistakes, there can be no forgiveness and without forgiveness there can be no love, so it’s never too late to heal a hurt relationship.

While there are lots of perks to being married to an athlete, there are also pitfalls that include:

1.     No privacy, so you have to be on your best behavior all the time

2.     Lots of time apart, so there is more temptation to stray

3.     Less quality time together so there is less emotional bonding

4.     Lots of gossip can effect trust in the relationship

5.     Not enough intimacy and creative sex can lead to infidelity

Being married to a famous Actress or Actor has the same drawbacks and two famous married people can be a recipe for failure, just look at Courteney Cox and David Arquette who recently called it quits.

Watch me talk about Cheating Athletes on E! News Daily http://is.gd/hrNNT

Read my 130-page 4-part book on Understanding Cheating that includes an original Cheating Survey Report with over 1000 people.

Part One – Cheating Defined.

Part Two – Men Who Cheat.

Part 3 – Women Who Cheat

Part 4 – Cheating Prevention & Relationship Solutions after Cheating.

http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/DrAvaPages/luguide-cheating.html

Sexsomnia on Desperate Housewives

If you watched tonight’s episode of Desperate Housewives on ABC, you may have heard the term Sexsomnia when Gaby fakes this serious condition that causes people to engage in sexual acts while they are asleep. She pretends to be fast asleep as her husband Carlos gets into bed beside her, then she climbs on top of him, kissing and fondling him until he wakes her up.  Glassy eyed with a vacant expression on her face, she announces that she suffers from Sexsomnia. He has no idea that she is just plotting to cover up a drunken night she spent with a Frenchman who she thinks may be the father of their child.

Sexsomnia is also known as Sleep Sex and Somnambulistic Sexual Behavior and as Gaby pointed out in the show, it can be triggered by sleep deprivation, but it’s no joke that the consequences for sufferers include such shame and embarrassment that they rarely seek help.

The medical diagnosis is NREM Arousal Parasomnia, Sexual Behaviour in Sleep, and is more likely to be exhibited by adults who have experienced sleepwalking. 

This behavior occurs during deep sleep and can last up to 30 minutes, but the behavior stops as soon as the person is awakened and they don’t remember anything.

Reported cases of Sexsomnia have included violent masturbation, unsafe sex with strangers and even rape.  So I believe the media has an obligation to educate viewers on potentially serious conditions such as this when they include it into a scene. My concern is that people will view Sexsomnia as a joke, but it’s no laughing matter to the victims and the sufferers.

Check out http://www.sleepsex.org/ for scientific research and shared experiences on this serious disorder.

Surefire Way to Orgasm

It’s no secret that an orgasm starts between the ears and then travels between the legs, so begin by thinking your way to orgasm.

An erotic fantasy will do the trick for most, but bathing in a warm bath or adding spurting water from a shower head directly on your hot spots can take you to the point of no return and result in some squeaky clean fun at the same time.

If you enjoy having a speedy orgasm, looking at a porn video or magazine can work like magic in less time than it takes to boil a soft boiled egg, especially for men.

Finally, for tired moms I suggest some kind of escape where you can enter a world of fantasy rather than reality. Believe it or not, watching soft or hardcore porn is therapeutic and sexually arousing to women after a long
arduous day too.

Check out the Certified Course on Pornography at www.LoveologyUniversity.com and you might discover a new surefire way to orgasm or at the very least, you’ll learn how to have sex like a porn star.

Celebrity Sex Lessons

Do you think you can learn about relationships from celebrities and their sex lives? I found lots of great lessons from their mistakes.

From David Letterman, I learned not to have sex with your co-workers, but I also learned that you should never pay a blackmailer.

From Tiger Woods and Jesse James, I learned that top athletes and daredevils prefer to live out their sexual fantasies with their lovers, not their wives.

From  Carrie Prejean, the Miss USA beauty queen who was asked by Perez Hilton about her opinion on gay marriage, I learned that hypocrisy is alive and well when her answer was based on her Christian fundamentalist convictions, yet she had sex tapes of herself masturbating.

From Chris Brown and Rihanna, I learned that hitting a woman is the lowest thing a guy can do and domestic violence can happen to anyone. I also learned that the public are so easily swayed into thinking that just because a beautiful woman like Rihanna posed in the nude for her boyfriend, she deserved to be beaten and degraded.

From Jon and Kate, I learned that bullying your husband will result in infidelity.

From Larry King who cheated on his wife Shawn with her younger sister and Shawn who cheated with their son’s Little League coach, I learned that you can cheat on each other and still stay married.

What did you learn?

Jesse James Denies he is a Sex Addict

Jesse James used his bad childhood as an excuse for cheating, saying that he “never felt good enough” on last night’s Nightline interview. By not being good enough, I’m presuming that he is saying that he didn’t feel worthy of being married to Oscar winning Actress Sandra Bullock, but he did feel worthy of having sex with at least five other women.

Jesse James was raised by his single dad who allegedly beat, humiliated and at age seven broke his arm. So Jesse says he grew up with feelings of shame, fear and abandonment which is what lead to his trying to “self-sabotage” his life.

My theory is that many adults were abused physically, emotionally and even sexually as children but were able to overcome adversity by empowering themselves to take responsibility for their actions and not use their past as an excuse for bad behavior.

The cause of Jesse’s infidelity was probably more to do with his hormones than anything else. You see relationships go through three stages of emotions and hormone changes that affect our sex drive. The first stage is  LUST which releases the sexual hormones testosterone and estrogen. In this stage, you feel excited by the thought of your lover and eager to be with them as much as you can.

Stage two is the ROMANTIC ATTRACTION stage where your brain is now releasing the feel good hormone, dopamine that can make you feel lovesick.

Stage three is EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT where the brain releases Serotonin and Oxytocin, bonding hormones that can deepen the feelings of attachment. However, at this stage  the lust and the romantic attraction stages fade, so it is not uncommon to look for those lustful and romantic feelings elsewhere.

So it’s probable that Jesse and Sandra were in the Attachment stage of their relationship, so he was vulnerable to the temptations of lust when it was flaunted at him.

The bottom line is that if you don’t evoke the feelings of lust, attraction and romance in your relationship, it will become less sexual and you or your partner are more likely to stray and cheat with someone new who gives you the thrill of excitement that you crave.

If you want to understand Cheating, check out my book at:

http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/DrAvaPages/luguide-cheating.html

Legalize Brothels for the Disabled

Brothels should be legalized worldwide for the physically disabled who need sex just as much as we do, if not more. People with disabilities are human beings with the same feeling and needs for love and intimacy as anyone else. We are all sexual beings from the moment we are born to the moment we die and sex is a precious gift that we all deserve no matter what.

I recently watched a documentary on Asta Philpot a young, fun loving, productive, sexy, intelligent man who took some similarly disabled people to Spain to lose their virginity in a brothel. I loved this film because it was about truth without any judgment.

Asta was born with arthrogryposis, which left him immobile below his neck. He has feeling in his body, but is unable to move any part. However, he has no limitations when it comes to sex.

Asta had sex for the first time in a licensed Spanish brothel with his families blessing and it has made him even happier, more fulfilled than before.  Now, he is coming to the States to launch his charity, The Asta Philpot Foundation Inc., in May to “raise awareness, inspire and advocate the general public regarding the needs -spiritual, emotional and sexual- of the disabled, while sharing Asta’s unique perspective of positivity, empowerment and happiness”.

I’m going to interview Asta at his launch party to be held at the famous ‘Sunset’ Restaurant on Malibu Beach, California on 6th May. It will be Emceed by Actor Michael Nouri and will feature many LA based musicians who are supporters of Asta’s work.

Asta will be speaking and performing his charity single, “Imagine”, produced by Arrica Rose and Dan Garcia, and written by the late John Lennon.

I want to be part of Asta’s mission, so that I can create courses on Loveology University to educate people on sex and disability, I want to create sex toys for the disabled,  I want to give workshops for the disabled to empower them sexually. Please come, have fun and support Asta, sponsor his charity and verbalize your views on sex and disability. It’s about time this topic is no longer a taboo.

Check out Asta’s website for a massive boost of inspiration at: http://www.astaphilpot.co.uk/site/Welcome.html


Sex Toys Need Lube

Sex toys need lube to make them feel smoother and silkier as you insert them. So, don’t make the mistake that I made when I was invited on the Howard Stern Show and gave him a realistic vagina as a gift, without telling him to use lube. Howard was mad as hell and ranted on about how he got the vagina stuck on his penis and when he finally was able to pull it off, his pride and joy was bruised. Needless to say, I wasn’t invited back because I nearly broke his penis.

Now I’m emphatic about telling everyone to love lube and put it on before you need it. Of course, the wrong lube can lead to disastrous results, so do your homework. Never use household ingredients like cooking oil, or well known products like Vaseline, bath oil, suntan oil, massage oil or anything that has petroleum because it will break your condoms and could lead to a nasty infection.

Have a lube love fest by purchasing as many different types of lubes as you can from water-based, which are the most versatile and easiest to clean off with water, to flavored ones which can enhance an oral sex experience, to silicone based ones that you can use in water and they are also great for anal pleasure. But be warned that you cannot use silicone lube on silicone toys as it can melt them and that’s not a pretty sight.

Sex toys feel better with lube whether its a vibrator, dildo or cock ring and it’s safer to use.  But be sure to clean your sex toy with soap and water or toy cleaner before and after each use.

Sandra and Jesse’s Marriage Unresolved

What will Sandra Bullock say about her marriage to Jesse James? Is the  girl-next-door with bad-boy love story over? Or will she reveal dynamics about their relationship boundaries that we didn’t know?

As a Sexologist in Hollywood, I counsel celebrity couples who are away from each other more than they are together. Consequently, many have specific relationship boundaries in place about who can do what and with whom while they are separated.

So before we jump to conclusions, let’s consider that maybe Sandra gave Jesse a long leash to play during her months of working on location. Often a very wise choice in Hollywood. However the deal breaker is usually when one of the spouses humiliates the other in public, which Jesse did, even though it wasn’t deliberate.

Cheaters deserve the same respect as anyone else when it comes to communicating all boundaries and deal breakers.

The bottom line is that if you are going to play (with your spouses permission), you should still be discreet and by that I mean don’t have sex in your home. Don’t text messages that you don’t want your spouse to ever see and choose your playmates carefully.

Sandra Bullock dedicated the past five years of her life to a man and his children, knowing the nature of the beast. He was once married to a beautiful porn star and fathered her child, he was unconventional and lived dangerously, so it was either that bad boy element which attracted her or she felt that she could tame the stallion.

Crazy as it may sound, a cheating spouse can be as much a wake-up call as it is heartache and devastation. Even if you are the most attentive, skilled lover, there is still no guarantee that your partner will not stray. The fact is that the most common reason for infidelity is not sex, but a lack of communication and emotional stimulation. Therefore, the most important ingredient for a lasting, loving relationship is great communication.

So we wait with baited breath to find out what the Academy Award winning Actress will decide to do about her marriage. She holds all the cards and maybe we can all learn something about our own relationships by observing how celebrities deal with theirs as the world scrutinizes them under a microscope.

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