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Category Archives: Tantric Love

Love Resolutions

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POSTED ON: Feb 15 2013  • 
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CATEGORIES:  Better Sex, Communication, Couples Enrichment, Dating, Disabilities & Intimacy, Holiday & Gift Ideas, Intimacy, Love, Pleasing a Man, Pleasing a Woman, Tantric Love, Women Loving Women
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Do you exhale a sigh of relief once Valentine’s Day is over and think “Thank goodness THAT’S over?” It can be easier to understand just wanting to get through the holiday if you’re single, but if you’re in a relationship what exactly are you grateful to have over? The reminder that you’re in a partnership that takes some work? Well, if that’s the case, Valentine’s Day could be seen as a chance to make some much needed “Love Resolutions.”

People make New Years Eve resolutions based on what they want to do to improve themselves. Get in shape. Quit smoking. Eat better. Valentine’s Day can be about making changes to improve your relationships, especially with the ones you love. More kindness. Listen better. Verbalize appreciation. Surprise with gifts that show I’m paying attention. Granted, a lot of New Year’s resolutions fail. Trips to the gym dwindle, cigarettes sneak back in, salad is replaced with pizza. The quick fix we were hoping for doesn’t arrive and old patterns return because they’re safe and comfortable. The difference with a “Love Resolution” is results are seen immediately and they can be life-changing and love-changing.

We are a species starving for validation and kindness. Most of us wrestle with an ongoing internal dialogue of self-doubt, questions, fear, anxiety, stress, and pain. Imagine how it might change your entire perception of life if someone were to show you only 5% more respect, love, trust and understanding. A sincere compliment out of nowhere. A five minute massage. A surprise “Date Night.” The difference between hearing “I love you” as someone holds your face and looks you in the eye versus tossing off the remark as the door shuts in the middle of morning chaos. If that’s what you want, than give it away. Only in love is that the rule. Because you cannot ask for a kindness that you are not willing to give.

It is much easier to rediscover the passion and love in your life than it is to get back into your “skinny jeans.” Because you’re sharing the resolutions with the intention of keeping them forever. You’re quitting the bad habits that endanger the health and growth of your relationship. And you’re tasting how amazing it feels to be truly seen again by the one you love.

 

A MINDFUL VALENTINE’S DAY

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POSTED ON: Feb 03 2013  • 
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CATEGORIES:  Aphrodisiacs, Better Sex, Boundaries & Taboos, Communication, Couples Enrichment, Dating, Disabilities & Intimacy, Eroticism, Flirting, Holiday & Gift Ideas, Intimacy, Love, Pleasing a Man, Pleasing a Woman, Tantric Love
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Mindfulness is paying attention here and now with an open heart and mind. So, how about practicing the art of mindfulness this Valentine’s Day. It seems that Valentine’s Day has become a holiday of great pressure. Those in relationships feel the pressure to deliver the perfect date with the perfect gift while single people feel the pressure of a spotlight on their less than perfect relationship status. Valentine’s Day is the one day where everyone – even the most jaded – secretly wants their life to look and feel like a Hollywood romance. However, like a lot of things in human nature, we miss the point because we fear how we are being perceived. This year I suggest we use Valentine’s Day as a reminder to simply acknowledge the existence and beauty of love in all its forms.

Instead of feeling devastated because you can’t get a reservation at the best restaurant in town, why not just take a moment to think about the person you most love and let them know in a way that is specific and genuine to your relationship with that person. And, yes, this advice applies to single people. In fact, the reality is we are all “single people”, some of us just share space with other single people in closer proximity. We share our lives, not our individual realities, fears, doubts, desires, and dreams. So why not start the day with THAT relationship. If the old adage is true that you can’t love someone else until you love yourself, why not take a moment to do just that. Acknowledge all the things that make you loveable and your life amazing. Give quiet thanks for the gifts you’ve been given, the qualities that bring you the most compliments, the things you can do better than anyone, even if no one yet knows it but you. Open up your mind to the reality of how much love fills your life, if maybe not your bed (at least today).

Perhaps Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be a reminder of romance but a reminder of kindness, starting with the conscious decision to be nice to yourself. Treat yourself as if you were madly in love with you. Be mindful of yourself and others. Hug somebody. Hold the door. Talk more softly and listen more openly. Give a smile before you give a judgment. Call someone to just say hello. Take the time to really look around at all the things you usually rush by. If you are in a romantic relationship, REALLY look at your partner. See them. Touch them. Thank them. Love them as carefully and passionately as you can. And if you’re spending the day without a date, so what? That doesn’t mean your life lacks love, it just means that the extraordinary one who is looking for you hasn’t found you yet. But you better be ready, because they’re on their way.

That’s how I’ll spend this Valentine’s Day – celebrating the fact that love puts the “awe” in awesome.

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Erotic Food

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POSTED ON: Sep 28 2012  • 
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CATEGORIES:  Aphrodisiacs, Better Sex, Communication, Couples Enrichment, Dating, Eroticism, Foreplay, Intimacy, Love, Tantric Love
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Last week I served as a judge at the Erotikos Film Festival where the winning short film was entitled, Beyond Dinner. It was an erotically charged piece that examined a “gate” dinner (“gate” meaning ‘beyond’ in Sanskrit) where men and women enjoy a feast served at a low table with plenty of cushions, and take turns feeding each other exquisite foods, switching partners for each course. Throughout the meal they kiss and touch, eating off each others bodies, and explore the deep connection between food and sensuality.

I interviewed one of the creators of the film, Tantra expert Laurie Handlers, and her passion for infusing delicious food and sensuality was quite contagious! It got me thinking about all the wonderful aphrodisiac foods we have at our disposal – like pumpkin, asparagus, chocolate, oysters, strawberries – and how important it is to make the connection between nourishing our bodies and nourishing our sensuality and sexuality.

So often we find ourselves gulping down something quick in order to move on with the rest of our day, treating our bodies like machines that only require a ‘full tank’ to keep going. But what about the enjoyment of the flavors and textures of food? What about the combinations of tastes that spark the imagination and enrich our senses? Eating can be a mindful experience, and certainly a sensual pleasure, each meal a chance to express oneself and get re-energized from the inside out.

Mealtime has also traditionally been a time that families and friends can connect, and get to know each other better. The act of preparing, serving and eating brings people together and encourages intimacy on all kinds of levels. Most first dates involve a meal, a courting ritual that makes sense given that eating is something we all have in common. After all, it is part of our basic instinct to survive. You can learn a lot about a potential mate by how they eat, what they eat, and whether they slow down long enough to savor the food they choose!

I urge you to take the time to make the connection between food and sensuality. Try staging a sexy meal for your partner using some traditional aphrodisiac foods, or pack a picnic to take advantage of the beautiful fall weather, and treat your senses to an outdoor experience. There are plenty of resources to learn more about aphrodisiac foods and sensual eating, including the Aphrodisiac course at www.LoveologyUniversity.com

Incorporating sensual energy into the simple act of eating can be accomplished with very little effort, but the rewards you will reap in terms of body awareness and intimacy with others will surprise you and make you hungry for more.

Here is the trailer for Beyond Dinner. It may inspire you to have a Gate dinner of your own! https://vimeo.com/50366536