Please your Husband by Becoming his Mistress

  Many men expect their wives to be their lover, best friend, nurturer, confidant, lifelong partner, playmate, social director, family organizer, shopper, domestic goddess, soul mate and sexpot in the sack. In other words, they want their woman to be more of a mistress and less of of wife. So, here are seven ways that you can make this demanding fantasy into a reality and keep your relationship fulfilling for both of you. As with all of these steps, sexiness comes from within:

1. Look good for him and for yourself.  Just knowing that your man is more physically aroused should give you plenty of tools to turn him on. You can become his fantasy woman by surprising him at the door wearing a skirt or dress so that he can fantasize about what kind of panties you may have on, if any.  Be sure to compliment your outfit with a pair of high-heels to enhance his sense of sight and further eroticize his imagination. Alternatively, you can wear a sexy little apron with nothing underneath when serving him dinner or breakfast in bed. Getting dressed up is also a great way for a woman to get into a juicy frame of mind after a rough day at work or exhausting time with the children.

2. Flirt with your husband. Start by giving him a physical compliment daily and touch him when he least expects it. Just before he leaves for work, squeeze his butt playfully or give him a heart-to-heart hug as soon as he comes home. Smile and lock eyes often to release all of those feel-good endorphins that will make you both feel the pleasure of being in each others presence. Flirting is the bedrock of romance and it will keep the chemistry in your long-term relationship as long as you make it part of your marriage ritual in and out of the bedroom.

3. Make dates spontaneous. Take him out for a seductive date for breakfast, lunch, dinner or anytime you can spend quality time together. Make it memorable by recreating some of the dates you went on before you got married. Sometimes it takes some planning to make the best spontaneous dates work, so prepare a picnic and surprise him by taking him to the beach or a park for a romantic rendezvous.  Commit to taking trips together, even if they are quickie getaways as it can be the glue that takes the relationship to a higher level of intimacy.

4. Be adventurous. Make the first move to seduce your man by pushing him up against a wall and making out or pushing him down on the bed, straddling and kissing him passionately. Try doing something new together so that you get out of your comfort zone and learn new exciting skills such as Power Play by reading the book, 50 Shades of Grey to each other. Go to a Tantric Sex or Kundalini Yoga class and discover the benefits of spiritual sexuality. Learn to Tango together and create sexual anticipation on the dance floor or take an online course on Aphrodisiacs at www.LoveologyUniversity.com and then cook a menu of love foods together.

5. Don’t ambush him with complaints. Men want their wives to be happy, so the last thing they want to hear about after work is complaints about all the things that went wrong in your home. Greet him with affection, give him some space and let him feel like a King in his domain before you state your list of complaints. If he can’t fix the problem, it will just make him feel helpless and even emasculating, so focus on communicating the positive things that happened in your day and ask him to share his best moments from his day. Don’t keep pent up problems to yourself either, but do share them with friends, family and your husband when the time is right so that they don’t feel like they were ambushed. Be sure to make time for your girlfriends because your guy cannot give you the same emotional connection and he probably doesn’t want to hear about your shopping spree or even your best friend’s new baby.

6. Play into his fantasies. Sharing fantasies has a way of increasing intimacy and it can add creativity to your sex routine. By sharing with someone you trust you can let go of the guilt and shame surrounding your fantasies. And you’re cuing your partner into what is most pleasing to you. Sexual fantasies for men are generally more sexually explicit than women’s. More physically arousing, about objects of desire, more likely to specify sexual acts, more visual in content and more likely to contain details about physical appearance. Encourage him to share his wildest fantasies with you, but do not be judgmental. Talk about which fantasies you both want to turn into reality and which ones should remain as fantasies.

7. Ignite your passion to fuel his fire. When you please yourself, you automatically please your partner because he does not want to work at giving you pleasure and quite frankly it’s not his job anyway. So, identify what gives you the most pleasure by tapping into your five senses. Then take the time to look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you look. You get extra bonus points if you can do this naked. Now you are ready to make passionate love to yourself and treat yourself as if you are madly in love with you. Masturbation is the epitome of self-love and exploration of what makes you feel best. It can help you to explore your sexual fantasies, is a precious gift of self-acceptance and key to living a healthy sexual life. Let your partner watch and it will send him over the moon!

Vacation Romances

Vacation romances are exciting because they can happen so fast that you go from flirting to fellatio, to falling in love in just a few days. But beware, as most vacation romances don’t last, so don’t profess your love prematurely to someone you just met.

The change of atmosphere adds to the romantic fairy tale, far away from the patterns of daily responsibilities. If your vacation is at a romantic destination with the sounds of waves crashing on the beach, warm tropical weather and you feel relaxed, happy and horny there’s a good chance you will be easily tempted to hook up with the first good prospect you meet. You can expect the highs to be very fulfilling, but the lows could come crashing down once you wake up sober or find yourself with an STD from having unprotected sex.

You can still have a great time on vacation, let loose and explore romantic opportunities, but set some boundaries for yourself so that you have no regrets. For example, go to first base on the first date, second base on the second date, third base on third date and a home run with protection on the fourth date. Or you can wait to make love until after the vacation to see if you still have the same chemistry. You’ll soon find out if the other person is genuinely interested in getting to know you or if he or she just wants to get laid. If they don’t ask you about your life, get uncomfortable talking about themselves or avoid sharing information about their family, friends and work, you may just want to remain platonic buddies.

Vacation romances can lead to falling in love and a lasting relationship with someone special if you are lucky, but be aware of the possible pitfalls. Enjoy your vacation and treat yourself as if you are madly in love with you, then you can’t get hurt.

Year of the Sexy Dragon

It’s no surprise that dragons are everywhere, since this is the year of the dragon and it’s filled with good fortune, according to the Chinese Zodiac. You’ll find dragons on clothing, jewelry, candles, statues, furniture, lamps, swords, goblets, and even sex toys. So, make it your good fortune to discover some sexy ways to celebrate the Chinese New Year and your sexual health at the same time with some of these fun sex toys and positions.

The best dragon sex toys I found by far are by Bad-Dragon.com, which has quickly grown to become the most popular fantasy adult toy manufacturer in the world. With an array of beautifully molded dragon dildos, dragon vagina and dragon tongue, they have received worldwide recognition for its attention to detail, high quality products, and exotic designs, which can be customized for you the consumer.

Oral Delights – The Dragon Tongue by Bad-Dragon

Imagine a dragon’s tongue with it’s sleek curves and soft, pliable ridges gently exploring your most intimate parts, squirming as much as the tongue it is modeled after, measuring nine usable inching long and tapering from half an inch to three inches wide, the dragon’s tongue is suited to new and advanced users alike. http://goo.gl/Lb4Hu

For Men, Enter The Dragon – Penis Sleeve by Blush Novelties

Slip this sleeve over your tool for an unforgettable experience. The head and body of the dragon is meticulously hand sculpted. Ticklers on the belly of the dragon enhance sensations for your partner. Use the strap to cinch your scrotum to aid in delaying ejaculation. The strong stretchy material is skin safe and phthalates free. One size fits most. http://goo.gl/fQDkk

For Ladies, The Magic Dragon – Clitoral Tickler by Pipedream

Hold this little dragon against the clitoris, choose the amount of vibration and get ready to enter magic kingdom of sexual delight! It’s powerful yet quiet and has a unique design for endless array of erotic pleasures. Use it on yourself or with a lover and expand your sexual horizons. http://goo.gl/2gGzy

For a BiGasm – Sophia’s Magical Dragon Vibrator by California Exotics

A powerful slim line design with four rows of reverse rotating metal beads and a magical dragon will give you the ride of your life. Sophia’s Magical Dragon has adjustable speeds, waterproof design, and stimulating functions. Press the arrow keys on the LED-lit control pad and enjoy three speeds of vibration in the dragon-shaped clitoral stimulator, and three speeds of whirling beads in the center of the shaft for internal and external pleasure simultaneously. http://goo.gl/iHqpm

For Any Erogenous Zone – Pleasure Dragon Vibrator by Ailv

This cute little dragon vibe has long ears to wrap around the clitoris and will deliver vibration to both of its sides. The control pack allows adjusting the speed remotely from gentle to very powerful. The bullet also can be used alone on any erogenous zone from nipples to anus. http://goo.gl/c43Z9

For Couples – The Dragon Sex Position

If sex toys are not your game, try a new sex position that was published in Cosmo and goes like this: Lie on your stomach with your arms raised above your head. With a pillow or two placed under your pubic bone, spread your legs slightly. Have your partner stretch his body over your and enter you, mimicking the position that you’re in. Instead of fast from-behind thrusting, this steamy stance requires a circular, swirling motion. Read more: The Dragon Sex Position – Cosmopolitan

May this year of the dragon make all your wishes come true, including your sexy ones.

New Year’s Relationship Resolutions for 2012

You know you want your relationship to keep getting better, you want to grow together not apart and the best way to accomplish that is by setting some New Year’s Resolutions that are guaranteed to improve your communication, enhance romance, increase intimacy and expand your sexual horizons.

Here are 10 Relationship Resolutions that I know will make your relationship even better.

  1. Set a Romance Goal – Hold hands, kiss daily, make time for make-out sessions at least 3 times a week and take turns initiating romantic dates such as candlelight dinners, movie night or romantic surprises.
  2. Set an Intimacy Goal – Listen to each other, be emotionally supportive, share your feelings and make love with eyes open at least 2 times a week. Be tender, compassionate, supportive and unselfish to make your partner feel loved.
  3. Set a Communication Goal –Ask your partner how you can be a better spouse or lover. Praise your partner often, give him or her a compliment every day, listen more, argue less, verbalize appreciation more and criticize less.
  4. Set a Collaboration Goal – Spend quality time together by doing things you both enjoy. Learn a new hobby together, take dance classes, Loveology online classes, cooking, yoga, camping, painting or volunteering for a charity together.
  5. Set Habit Changing Goal – Make a pact to help each other lose weight, stop smoking, procrastinating, being messy, lazy, grumpy or any other bad habit where you can support each other to quit. Keep each other accountable with reminders of the benefits to changing bad habits and give each other some fun rewards.
  6. Set Fun Goal – Play indoor and outdoor games like you did when you were kids. From hide and seek to pillow fighting, from playing on the park swings to camping in the woods, be silly and playful to put the fun back into your relationship.
  7. Set Intention Goal – Write a couples mission statement and include where you see your relationship in one year. Then frame it in and put it in a prominent place as a reminder of your shared relationship mission.
  8. Set Improvement Goal – Change something about yourself to make your relationship even better.  For example, make an effort to dress up and greet your partner with a kiss after work, learn how to give a sensual massage or just get a fashion makeover. Do something to build your confidence and improve your relationship at the same time.
  9. Set Forgiveness Goal – Let go of past hurts, open up your heart and let love in with a fresh New Year’s start. Tell people who have hurt and disappointed you that you forgive them. Write a forgiveness letter to yourself for allowing someone to hurt you or write a letter to someone you resent.
  10.  Set Happiness Goal – Know what makes you happy individually and as a couple. Then live your life to the fullest by doing the things that make you happy, whether it’s eating ice cream, watching funny movies, being pampered at a spa or cuddling with your partner.

Be realistic when setting your New Years Relationship Resolutions. The reality is that a consistently successful relationship takes compromise and commitment.

Gift Something Sexy

If you still haven’t finished shopping and you want to impress your lover, here are some memorable gift ideas that will likely lead to a romantic connection, sensual experience or even an exciting erotic escape.

Personalized Calendar

Create your own custom photo calendar with personalized dates on wall and poster calendars with captions to remember birthdays, anniversaries, and special events. Start your 12- or 18- month calendar in any month of the year to create a one-of-a-kind photo calendar you can enjoy all year. Available at: http://www.snapfish.com

Massage Candles

Much more than aromatherapy candles, these melt down into warm oil so you can cover your lover’s body and give him or her a sensual heated massage. Alternatively, you can cover your own body in the warm candle oil, then climb on top of your lover and massage them using your body in up and down, side to side and circular motions. Available at: www.skinnydipcandle.com 

Dr. Ava’s Guide to Oral Sex for Couples

If you are interested in improving your oral sex skills or want your lover to learn some new fun techniques, this 3 disc, 3 hour instructional erotica DVD is the gift that will give back. You’ll reach new levels of pleasure by watching over 90 explicit demonstrations of fellatio and cunnilingus positions, games and tips guaranteed to make you an oral sexpert. Available at http://www.discreet-romance.com

The FingO Glow

These fun finger vibrator’s have everything you need for the ultimate erotic encounter with 3 styled fingertip textures and 3 fun colors that fits comfortably on the underside of the finger. With just one touch, toes curl and bodies tingle with ease before, during and even after sex to titillate all of your senses. Available at www.thescreamingo.com

The Book of Kink by Eva Christina

This book goes beyond the Missionary exploring everything from kinky equipment, sex classes, sex parties, and porn to the who, what, where, when, why, and how of kink, it delves into fetishes, turn-ons, role-playing, and how the Internet has put a new spin on kinkiness. Take turns reading chapters to each other and act out your kinkiest fantasies together. Available at: www.Amazon.com

The We-Vibe 3

This unique sex toy can be worn while making love so that you and your lover can experience simultaneous orgasms. The We-Vibe 3 brings 40% more enjoyment power, a remote and a wireless charging base to the same compact comfortable design as the We-Vibe II. Let the dual stimulation zones take the vibe to satisfying new heights of mutual pleasure for both of you. Available in 3 colors at: http://shop-usa.we-vibe.com/

 

Sexy Stocking Stuffer

A great way to maintain playfulness in your relationship is to have more fun together in the bedroom. Explore new activities and create some intimate games for more variety. Add a few adult toys to the mix and they can help avoid predictable sex while intensifying eroticism for you both.  Here are three sex toys that are discreet and make for a great stocking stuffer.

Texas Showdown

Line up that deck of cards for a showdown Texas style. Challenge your partner to a nude heads up game of Texas Hold ‘Em and start with equal amounts of chips and keep raising the stakes to get high enough to go all in. The winner not only gets bragging rights, but a nice orgasm too with one of Evolved’s Bottle Rocket vibrators, waterproof, whisper-quiet with powerful vibrations you can use on the mons, labia, clitoris, penis, testes or anus. See the video at the bottom of this blog.

Sexy-Cises

This game is win-win for both of you as you exercise the vaginal muscles during penetration. The goal is to see how many reps the woman can can do before the man climaxes. To get the vaginal muscles in shape, warm up with some Kegel toys by inserting exercise balls that does the vaginal calisthenics for you. The Fun Factory makes a popular brand called Smart Balls with different textures and colors and Hustler toys makes the Dare Devils self-vibrating weighted vaginal balls. The kids will never know what they are if you leave them out.

Hide & Thrill

The game is to time how long it takes to find your lover hiding from you. The finder gets to wear an oral vibrator on their tongue and then give oral sex for the same amount of time, so the longer the better. First step is to slip a Screaming O tongue vibe right over your tongue for a super sexy sensation that your lover won’t soon forget as you lick him/her to orgasmic bliss.

Lust for Revenge

Lust for revenge is hardwired into our brain and stimulates the reward part, providing feelings of pleasure that can motivate a person to take revengeful action. The most common reaction to betrayal is shock, hostility, anger and revenge.

There are many different kinds of revenge that range from extreme violent revenge like Lorena Bobbitt who cut off her lover’s penis. Tit for Tat revenge by having an affair with one of your lover’s relatives or best friend. Vandalizing revenge like the man that chain sawed his house in two after the divorce and the woman who threw nail polish on her ex’s car. Trickery revenge by getting even with someone without them ever finding out that it was you who reported them to the IRS or got them deported. But the most common is the humiliating revenge like the furious fiancé who plastered billboards of her ex after catching him cheating and the husband who sold 200 sexy photos on eBay of his cheating ex-wife. One of the worse kinds of revenge is when hostile parents use their children as weapons and poison their young minds against each other. This has long term affects that can ruin an innocent child’s life.

In the heat of passion a rational person can instinctively lash out and do something they may later regret. But the good news is that even plotting revenge can release the powerful feel-good hormone, Dopamine, hence the expression ‘sweet revenge.’ So, think about the consequences before you exact revenge towards someone who behaved badly and ask yourself if it’s worth it? It is a natural human instinct to want to punish someone who has hurt you, but if you stop to think about the consequences, you may just realize that the best revenge is “happiness.”

Crises Can Deepen Love

I tell my clients who come to see me when their relationship is in crises, that trauma can help you to deepen your bond as it did for me in my personal life.  My husband and I went through a matter of life and death which brought  Peter and I closer together. When he was savagely attacked and left for dead, I saved his life but the police treated me as a suspect, which was frightening and devastating. They questioned me about our relationship and my movements in the days preceding the incident, suspecting that I had some connection to the assailants.

This experience affected me emotionally as well as physically and I realized when you marry for better or worse, it doesn’t get much worse than this.  But for both of us, it was a situation that allowed our love to blossom into something even more beautiful.

An abandoned rental van eventually led detectives to the man behind the attack, a psychopathic former client of my husbands who he had represented for burglary. He knew that he was capable of violence, but never told me that he had threatened him. I was angry when I found out and didn’t want to lash out at my husband who was still recovering in the hospital, so I wrote him a letter describing my resentments in detail and ended the letter with my unconditional love and forgiveness. Then I read it to him and he thanked me.

One of the most important things to do in the process of drawing together is learning to forgive. Visualize your love healing your partner’s wounds and your partner’s love energy healing you. Writing a letter is the process of taking out the emotional trash in our lives and allows us to release pent-up pain and negativism on the way to forgiveness.

Emotionally, I was relieved especially when my husband promised to tell me if anyone ever threatened him again and he increased the security around our home. However, my body started to have a physical reaction to the trauma with acute pain in  the right side of my face, ear, jaw and teeth. Well, 12 root canals later I still had the pain and it was only becoming more acute.  I was next diagnosed with TMJ (Tempro Mandibular Joint Syndrome), a misalignment of the teeth and/or jaw, which can cause excruciating pain and migraine headaches.  The pain had become piercing; almost constant and felt as if an ice pick was being jammed into my jaw.  Often the condition was so debilitating, it was impossible for me to sleep.  After trying many different therapies from mouth guards, acupuncture, to massage work, I was still no better.  As a last resort, I had MRI and Cat-scan tests to see if I had any neurological problems.

I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia (TGN), a condition involving a blood vessel pressing against a nerve in my brain.   My physicians recommended brain surgery and convinced me that my condition was not going to go into remission, so, when my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I didn’t hesitate to answer, “Brain surgery!”  I could think of no greater present than to be rid of the maddening pain I was in.  Peter agreed that I should have the endoscopic micro neuro-decompression surgery. Well, that was in January, 2000 and even though the surgery was not a success, I had another surgery a few months later called The Gama Knife surgery that didn’t help either, I was prescribed myriad of medications that had no effect and have finally learned to live with the pain in the hopes that one day it will disappear as fast as it appeared. I believe that it was triggered by the shock of seeing my husband bleeding to death with his neck cut from ear to ear. It was a nightmare, but I couldn’t scream. Instead I did everything I could to save his life, and it worked.

We all have the option of feeling sorry for ourselves when faced with a crisis such as this one is for me.  But I am choosing to view it as only another of life’s dares, to be met and faced.  I could give in and become another medical victim, but I prefer to give myself a big hug and say, “I will not let this condition hold me back.”   This misfortune has opened my eyes even wider about human vulnerability.  I realize how minor my problem is in relation to how other people are suffering and it makes me want to help people even more.

I’ve come to view challenges from yet another perspective.  Problems often come with their own inherent solutions, believe it or not every situation that crosses our path is a gift, but not every gift comes with a cheerful packaging.  It is how we perceive the gift, and what we do with it, that counts.

Your Personal Sex Teacher

Back to school can be fun if we’re talking about a school for adults that teaches subject on love and sex. Just imagine being able to learn about all those naughty things your parents never talked about such as masturbation, oral sex, intercourse and anal sex. Of course you can’t blame them, as they were probably afraid because they didn’t know all the facts. Besides, it’s never too late to re-parent yourself with the love, attention and the knowledge you wish you had. Let me be your personal sex teacher and guide you through a higher education on love, relationships and human sexuality.

That’s why I launched Loveology University, an online College of Sensual Knowledge. It’s one of my dreams come true because I believe we teach what we need to learn the most. At least that’s true in my case.

I was raised in a repressed abusive environment without any positive life or love lessons from parents or peers. I was told that sex was evil, my body was dirty and that I was basically worthless. Consequently, I grew up a very confused 
teenager and easily taken advantage of, especially by men. After many unhealthy relationships, I hit rock bottom before I realized my mission was to find out as much as I could about love, relationships and sex and dedicate my life to helping others overcome guilt, shame and confusion.

I found the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco and discovered that they gave Degrees in Sex Education, Sexology and Sex Therapy and I enrolled in one of their Doctorate programs. Since getting my Degrees, I continued to pursue more qualifications as a Certified Hypnotherapist, Continuing Education Provider for the Board of Behavioral Sciences and Board of Nursing, but I am most proud of my online school where I share the vast knowledge I have accumulated in the last 20 years and offer you a wealth of information that you may otherwise not have access to. Everyone should be able to get accurate and positive information on human sexuality.

Right now I’m offering a Back to School Special Offer with 50% off all of the programs and courses at www.Loveologyuniversity.com so I hope that you will take this opportunity to learn something new so that you can find love, rekindle passion and have the best sex of your life. I believe that love is the meaning of life and sex keeps it on course.

Sex Games for Lovers

I’m writing a book on Sex Games because I believe that couples who play together, stay together. So, if you want to keep your relationship exciting, add some playfulness to spice things up.  Sex games can help add variety, romance, sensuality, intimacy and kinkiness to a predictable relationship. In my new book, I have hundreds of games ranging from foreplay games, aphrodisiac games, kissing games, sex fantasy games to multi-orgasmic games. It’s up to you to find out which games will take your love life to new heights of seduction and arousal.

Here are 3 of my favorite sex games from my new book:

Animal Kisses

Get into an animal pose and start acting and kissing your lover until he or she guesses what animal you are. For example, you can nuzzle like a cat, lick like a dog, slither like a snake or monkey around like an ape. Be sure to reward your lover by making love like your chosen animal.

Movie Star Madness

Get into a character and reenact your favorite sex scenes from movies. You can find some of the most memorable and sexy scenes in the movie, Shortbus, The Pornographer, Intimacy, Brokeback Mountain, 91/2 Weeks and In the Realm of the Senses. If you’re really daring, videotape your scene and compare it to the original.

Pop It

You’ll need to blow up about a dozen balloons for this game and place them in-between your bodies as you hug and kiss, being careful not to pop them. For each balloon that bursts you must do something more intimate to your lover like giving oral sex, find their G-spot or Prostate gland.

My book on Sex Games will be released before the end of this year by Alpha/Penguin Publishing, but until then here are 10 steps to turn predictable sex into fun adult play.

1. Be overtly flirtatious with your lover.
2. Seduce your lover with fun phallic foods.
3. Smooch in unexpected places and times.
4. Sext erotic messages to your lover.
5. Give a happy ending massage.
6. Make love new places and positions.
7. Go sex toy shopping together.
8. Share an outrageous role-play fantasy.
9. Explore some BDSM power play together.
10. Take turns being the voyeur and exhibitionist.

You can purchase sexy board games online at: www.khepergames.com like 4 Play, A Hot Affair, Bedroom Commands, Bondage 101, Fantasies and The Sex Board Game or go to your local Hustler store and make a game out of shopping for games.

 

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