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Sexual Seasons
POSTED ON: Apr 02 2013  • 
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CATEGORIES:  Aphrodisiacs, Better Sex, Communication, Couples Enrichment, Dating, Eroticism, Flirting, Foreplay, Intimacy, Kissing, Love
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As Spring takes hold and we begin to have the first indications that Summer is right around the corner, it got me thinking about the ways sexual relationships might differ based on the time of year. Of course sex is delightful regardless of it being May 1st, July 15th or November 28th but it seems to me quite likely that the weather, amount of sunlight and the average temperature may influence our approach to sex. So while I’m not suggesting that there is an optimal orgasmic equinox, I do believe the concept of Sexual Seasons is something to take seriously.

Spring

Let’s start with Springtime since that’s where we are in the current seasonal calendar. Winter is making its exit and there is the hint of new life, new color with trees coming alive and flowers taking bloom. The sun is sticking around a bit longer and we are coming out of hibernation to take in fresh air. As far as a Sexual Season, I see Spring as the time of year when we might feel more flirtatious and daring. We’re coming out of the Winter cave and feeling the need to be SEEN. Parts of our bodies that have been covered in coats and gloves and sweaters are now being kissed by sunlight and that can definitely be an aphrodisiac. It’s a great time to expand your sexual horizons by learning new sexual skills such as erotic talk, sensual massage, role-playing or Tantric sex. Having sex in Spring is refreshing as it’s warm enough not to shiver, but cool enough not to sweat. It’s so romantic to kiss while hearing the birds singing during a nature walk or feeding each other on a picnic at the park and it will make your Springtime more magical and memorable.

Summer

Summer dating brings people closer together because you’ve got the hot-weather lust, which makes it easier to be spontaneous, there’s more fun things to do and your sex appeal is smoking’. There is also biological evidence to prove that sunshine increases sex drive and makes you feel more sexually aroused. So, walk around your home naked to save money on air conditioning and put your undies in the freezer, then slip them on before you go out on a date. If you’re in a relationship, take advantage of the warm weather to add more sizzle to your love life. Take a cool shower together and soap each other up with shower gel. Then use your bodies as a human sponge and slide from side to side, up and down until you’re both squeaky clean. For the finale, give your lover a treat with some oral love. Making love outside can be even more exhilarating than doing it inside; Sex under the scorching sun is outrageously wild whether it’s spooning on a deserted beach or camping in your backyard, you’ll create erotic memories that you can share together for years to come.

Autumn

As Autumn presents itself, we start to pull each other close. While the colors start to fade on the trees, our passion settles a bit. What was a negligee may now be a flannel shirt and wool socks. By the way, Dutch scientists reported that women are 30% more likely to orgasm when their feet were warm, with socks on. We find ourselves doing the things to grasp the last vestiges of hot summer lovin’ while also beginning the pouty prep work for the Winter ahead. While the leaves fall, you too can fall in love or lust by rolling around in some just-raked leaves. As it gets darker earlier, it gives us more time to be romantic under the moonlight and as it gets lighter in the morning, it lends itself to more time for morning sex in bed or in the shower. Either way, it will make your days and nights during the Fall season more sexually fulfilling.

Winter

Winter brings days filled with the most darkness so, light a fire, snuggle close and keep each other warm anyway possible, even if that means rubbing bodies together like kindling. The more sex you have, the hotter you will get, so be sure to make love in all six basic positions; Missionary, Doggie, Cowgirl, Spooning, Standing and Scissors. And if you want to start a family, you are in luck because according to a new study out of Israel, doctors discovered that men with normal sperm production actually produced sperm in greater numbers, that was faster and with fewer abnormalities, in Winter. Perhaps this explains why August sees more babies born than any other month of the year.

So what are your thoughts? Do you believe in the concept of Sexual Seasons? Do you find that your sexuality evolves over the course of the year, or do you feel the same about sex on the Forth of July as you do on New Year’s Eve?

THE FACES OF LOVE
POSTED ON: Mar 19 2013  • 
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CATEGORIES:  Better Sex, Communication, Couples Enrichment, Dating, Disabilities & Intimacy, Eroticism, Flirting, Foreplay, Intimacy, Love, Loveology University
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Of all the facets of our mental, physical and emotional lives, love is easily the most complicated. Love is exciting, overwhelming, terrifying, excruciating, exhausting, and exhilarating all at the same time. A majority of my work as a Loveologist® revolves around helping people to give and receive love and understand how it evolves through the course of a committed relationship. Everybody’s issue’s are unique depending upon their experiences, yet we all want to be loved, so my mission is to make love a priority in our lives by defining how to find love and maintain love until the end of time.

There’s been a lot of research on the subject of the stages of love, most notably by Biological Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, a Research Professor and member of the Center for Human Evolution Studies in the Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University. Fisher believes there are three phases of love: lust, romantic love and attachment, or “We’re strangers”, “We’re lovers”, and “We’re family.”

I agree with this concept, but also feel that it’s a bit incomplete, much like watching a romantic comedy where two people meet, date, fall in love, and then it ends with the promise of “happily ever after” though the concept of what that actually means is not really explored or explained. In truth is that where most romantic films end, is where most of the real love story begins.

So I have expanded upon Dr. Helen Fisher’s three stages of love with “The Five F.A.C.E.S. of Love”

F - Fascination

A - Adventure

C - Comfort

E - Energy

S - Success

The first step in a new relationship is based around Fascination with each other, giving off chemical signals that result in that infamous “spark” that lights up all of the senses. What is this spark and where does it come from? There are several lengthy studies about the psychological reasons for attraction but one of the major scientific reasons can be traced to pheromones – chemical signals released by humans that send subconscious messages regarding physical attraction.

Dr. Ivanka Savic of the Karolinska Institute found that the hormone-like smells “turn on” the brain’s hypothalamus, which is normally not activated by regular odors. This is a very important finding because it shows specific areas of the brain that are activated by these chemicals.

During this introductory phase of your romantic relationship, you play and carefully reveal various parts of your personality, testing the waters, and looking for signs that it’s okay to lower your guard enough to move into the next phase.

When Fascination evolves into the Adventure stage, the relationship takes off and you continue to be hot for each while exploring new passionate territory. It is in this phase you can’t get enough of each other and feel what is most commonly described as “madly in love.” This analogy is not so far from the truth, as Dr. Helen Fisher’s research shows that when you fall head over heels in love with someone, the primary portion of the brain that gets fired up is the ventral tegmental area – the region that creates the natural stimulant dopamine, giving you feelings of energy, craving and obsession. According to Dr. Fisher, this phase can last anywhere from six months to seven years.

As the relationship grows into the Comfort stage, many couples misread the feelings as falling “out of love” when, in reality, they are moving into a deeper habit forming love. While the stages of Fascination and Adventure are heavily based in lust, it is here in the Comfort that true love begins to take shape. A study by Montreal’s Concordia University shows that the portion of the brain that responds to sexual desire (the striatum) also responds to pleasures of food. In contrast, the area triggered by feelings of love (the insula) is involved in attaching value to the things that give us pleasure. This can explain why the feelings of lust can make you feel hungry while feelings of love can make you feel rich. As this chapter in the story of your relationship is explored, your partner truly feels like family. There is a safety with each other, a relaxing into a shared life. Sadly, this is where most break ups happen because people miss the excitement without realizing that the adventure isn’t over as much as it is being redefined.

For those lucky enough to reach the Energy stage, you are rewarded with a heightened union of intimacy that is known as Synchronized Energy eXchange. That’s S.E.X. And having sex with someone that you are deeply in love with brings sexual energy up through the body to the heart so that two hearts beat as one. In this stage of love, the long-term commitment hormone called Vasopressin is released and we feel the other person’s sensations, movements and emotions inside us. This is known as “mirror neurons” that bridge our brains and opens the way for powerful synergetic transactions. The life you have built will be clearly defined with an even deeper sense of commitment and the bond will feel unbreakable.

The final stage is one of Success, and love is the grand prize of life. There is no more powerful success than the success of two hearts linked by love. Serotonin, known as the happiness hormone mixed with feel good endorphins can help rediscover the sparks that first brought you together and it can feel like you are falling in love all over again. It’s important to remember that love is not a static emotion. It ebbs and flows, grows and changes as it evolves over time, much like the brain.

There will be days when love feels like it is overflowing and there will be days when it will seem like love is dispersing. And as days become months and months become years, how your relationship defines love will change. The spark will become a flame. The flame will become a fire. The fire will warm the heart. And if your hearts are open, there’s no end to the number of sparks it will find to keep your everlasting love alive.

Fascination, Adventure, Comfort and Energy are a powerful combination for Success in love, but you can also apply the concepts of NeuroLoveology and the FACES of love to being successful in your business and the rest of your life.

 

 

 

The Power of “Me, Too”
POSTED ON: Mar 08 2013  • 
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CATEGORIES:  Adult Toys & Games, Aphrodisiacs, Back Door Play, Better Sex, Boundaries & Taboos, Communication, Erotic Talk, Eroticism, Fantasies & Role Playing, Group Erotica
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There’s nothing quite like the power of revealing a secret and then hearing the magic words “Me, too” from another person to let your know that you are less alone than you think.

We are what we think we are and many times we live with the fear that if someone knew the truth that lives in our mind, we would prove ourselves to be unlovable.

The reality is, that we all carry just as much darkness as light because yin and yang is necessary in order to create balance. As mindful creatures, we have the ability to internalize emotions, thoughts, fears and desires that we have been taught are not normal by the influences of family, community, religion and the world at large. But whatever secret you think makes you an outcast, someone else is holding it, too. So, even if you find yourself standing outside the circle of the norm, if you take a moment to pause inside the courage of admission, you will always find that someone else will always join you, and that is the incredible power of “Me Too.”

If you doubt the reality of this, we live in a day and age where the proof is within a few clicks on a keyboard. Go to the Internet and type your darkest deepest secret into a search engine. I’m willing to bet you will find pages and pages of conversation, images, blogs and videos dedicated to the exact secret you might be forced to believe only lived within you.

This is most easy to prove in the realm of fetishes and taboos. While porn is obviously rampant on the Internet, it is just as easy to find intelligent, thought-provoking conversations, support groups, community posts, articles and research on literally anything you could possible imagine. For instance, typing the words “balloon fetish” in Google returns 3,890,000 results. That’s a lot of hot air!

Of course, I’m not suggesting that you live out your secret truths on cyberspace alone. It is important to bring the reality of who are into your breathing life and the people with whom you share it. What the Internet can do is give you the tools, information and confidence to take that step. And only in taking these steps to embrace all the colors of our individual rainbows can we find our way to the pot of gold that is discovered when we stand in spite of our wobbly knees and say “This is who I am” and experience the joy of seeing someone else raise a shaky hand with a nervous smile to say “Me, too.”